Superlame
by The Grey Kite
Summary: AU. In which some kids have superpowers. Most don't wonder why, they just live their lives, while some other choose to fight as heroes or villains. But nothing can just be that normal or simple in South Park for a change, right?


_A superheroe's job is a dangerous one._

 _Not only physically, but psychologically too. To be aware and alert all times, suspicious of everyone. To stand in front of the people you love and lie to their smiling faces, while you hide your wounds with your clothes and bare hands. To remember that if you quit, the world would get darker. Because that's the worse part. Not anyone can do your job. Because you are special, you are different. You are a freak, something that should not exist, yet you choose to follow a correct moral, the lawful ethic, to help people who aren't like you. To avoid becoming a monster._

 _Even if you can't gloat on the heroic glory of your work, you always feel the impact. Waking up every morning after a night of patrolling, seeing your mother, your fucking cat and your neighbors. Walking down the street to catch the bus to school, meeting your friends and those two assholes. God, I hate those fags so much._

 _Every face you see, makes you feel proud. You might never know, but maybe the guy you stalked a week and put in jail last night could had ended any of their lives. A car crash, a murder, a mugging gone wrong. So many things, yet they are alive. And it might be all thank to you._

A poor kid, barely fourteen, walked down the streets, while lone shadow prowling in the roofs above him, stepping carefully and perking his ears at the footsteps. Either his parka didn't let him hear well, or the superheroe concealed himself expertly in the moonless night, but the kid paid no notice, his head not lifting anytime. The Coon keep his sight and hearing on him, every breath and step breaking the quiet of the almost 1 AM.

 _Some people just walk by, troubled by their own demons. We, the freaks, keep our identities to ourselves, as the thought of beings like us could only trouble their minds more and drive the sane to madness. So we keep quiet, and gather only among others like us, and we share our fears while we envy the blissfully ignorant._

The Coon's head snapped to a side, leaning in that direction with his ears high. A streak of light advanced quickly through the street and he cursed to himself, ears on the vehicle and moving his eyes to his friend. He bit his lip, growling and debating whenever he should jump and save him. Kenny didn't even glaced both ways before crossing the street. He looked at it when the car was already less than a hundred feet from him.

No matter how fast he was, Eric could had never reached him in time.

 _Oh well, that's what you get for not looking both ways before crossing, you poor little shit._

The car slammed into him, speeding past and throwing Kenny into the air. Splatters of blood on where Kenny was hit, and where his body landed. The raccoon boy cringed a bit, rats already swarming over the body.

He turned his attention to the car, who had lost control and crashed into a tree. The motor started smoking and soon after it caught fire. He heard the driver scream for help, probably with any of his arms or legs broken. Completely helpless, trapped inside, with little time before he burned alive.

The Coon turned his back, and ran away on fours.

 _That's what you get for killing Kenny, you cocksucking bastard._

 **SUPERLAME CHAPTER 1 - I Could Care More (But I won't) (because I hate you Kinny)**

Kenny McCormick wasn't very happy on monday morning.

A car had ran over him last night, he lost the bus, and ran all the way to school, only to arrive and find Tweek on his seat.

And he was fucking freezing.

You would thought a thick parka would keep the low temperatures away from his skin, but not today. As soon as he stepped into the classroom, he couldn't help but shiver. Like if there was conditioning air in the room. The only thing he wanted was to just sit on his fucking desk and catch his breath. McCormick took a deep breath to kindly ask the paranoid to move.

"Tweek, why the fuck are you on my seat?" Yet he wasn't in a good mood, so it came out like that.

Tweek didn't showed to care much, he seemed already angry, and snapped back almost in the same tone as Kenny "Craig doesn't wants me near him."

That was odd, Kenny tilted his head, resisting the urge to tell him to fuck off anyways.

"Why?" Kyle was the one who spoke, the bastard hadn't even greeted Kenny when he walked in and Kenny glared at him.

Tweek glared at him too, while Eric yawned something like 'Problems in paradise, fags?'

But obviously no one cared.

"He says I-I'm being fucking _cold_ ," He turned on his seat to look at Craig, spitting the last word with a tick.

More and more students paid attention to the exchange, flickering their eyes between Tweek and Craig.

Craig blinked at him, "You are being cold."

The teacher walked in, staying quiet while she also looked.

"OH-I AM BEING COLD!? AGH! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?" He stood up on his chair, and practically kicked it to the side, "YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT SHIT ON ME! I WASN'T THE ONE WHO FUCKING LEAVED!"

This made Craig's expression fell, and he looked to a side, before furrowing his brows and standing too "I-I didn't mean to!"

"Then why the fuck didn't you came back, jackass!" Tweek stepped forward.

"I didn't knew h-" Craig made his head back a bit, lowering his voice.

"WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW NOT TO BE COLD EITHER-"

Kenny let out his breath, looking with wide eyes at Kyle and Stan, who were both shivering. He saw everyone's breaths coming in puffs. Like if the air was really really cold...

"It's not the same fucking thing, Tweek!"

"IT'S NOT!? IT'S REALLY NOT, CRAIG!?"

"No. It's. Not. You literally almost freezed my d-"

Everyone jumped at the sound of the intercom turning on, "Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, to the principal's office. Now."

Tweek immediately hurried off, his sniffing noises very obvious in the quiet room, while Kenny felt like if breathing was a little easier. All eyes fell on Craig, who stood frozen in place, mid-sentence. He took a deep breath and walked slowly through the door, closing it gently behind himself.

"What the fuck?" Everyone turned to stare at Stan. Kyle shook his head disappointed.

At lunch, Kenny tried to focus on his food, and on the fresh and nice smells around him. But of course, someone could not drop the subject.

"Honestly, I think Craig doesn't wants to admit he's wrong-" Eric talked between bites and swallows, "I mean, he's a fucking egocentric douchebag, and he's always breaking Tweek's gay heart-"

"Cartman, shut the hell up."

"Don't tell me what do, you fucking jew-" He barked, and glared at Stan when he groaned, "Oh wait, you guys, I had an idea!"

Kyle stopped eating and took a deep breath, "Please don't-"

"Maybe Kahl should give Tweek and Craig relationship advice, I mean, you and your assrammer boyfriend Stanley have never broke u-"

"I'm not dating Kyle, fatass! I'm with Wendy!" Stan immediately said.

"Yeah, we are not gay, fat turd!"

Kenny couldn't help but snicker at that.

"Godammit, Kenny-"

"See, Kahl? You might say you are not gay, but you are the faggiest of them all, more than Tweek and Butters. I bet you are always Stan's bottom bitch-"

Kyle flipped him off.

"-Or maybe you keep all your sick homo fantasies to yourself, and jack off while you think of St-"

"GODAMMIT, SHUT UP!"

Eric, as always, didn't comply. Even at Kyle's outburst, no one turned their heads to them. They were just always like that.

"Why, Kahl?" He whined, dragging his words behind snickers "You wanted to tell Stan on a romantic eve-"

"I'm leaving," Stan stood up, and walked to sit next to his girlfriend.

"-ning under the stars?"

Kenny waved at Stan, and then poured his attention into his other two friends.

 _This is going to be fun._

"I. Am. Not. Gay!" Kyle said slowly, showing how angry he was with each word.

"No-hooo-You totally are not," He smirked and sat straight, changing his tone to a very serious one, "Do you like superheroes, Kahl?"

Kenny was taken aback too, and Kyle frowned "Uh, yeah, why?"

The brown haired boy smirk's grew and he turned on his seat, "BUTTERS, HEY BUTTERS! DO YOU LIKE SUPERHEROES!"

From his table, Butters looked up and beamed, "Ho, boy do I! I think the Coon is the greatest of them all!"

Eric stared at him.

"What."

"I said, I think the Coon is the greatest of them all."

He kept silent for a long moment, before tilting his head forwwards and giving him a look of 'Butters, you are fucking stupid', "Please, fag. Supervillains are the coolest ones. Like Professor Chaos. Da Coon sucks ass."

"Dammit Eric! The Coon is the greatest superheroe of all times!" He looked at him angrily, bu then he rubbed his knuckles together, "While Professor Chaos is a no-gooder..."

"Fuck that, Chaos is awesome," He turned back to his table, "Anyways, as I was saying, Butters like heroes, and Kahl too. Butters is a fag, and the jew too-"

"GODAMMIT, YOU FAT PIRCE OF SHIT, STOP BEING SO FUCKING ANNOYING BY ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!"

"I'll do it if you stop having sand AND salt in your vag-"

At this point, the blonde bursted into laughter, hitting the table repeatly. The other two turned to glare at him. He forced his laughter down, just in time to see someone enter through the cafeteria's door.

He kept his eyes on Tweek, who looked at him too. The other kid made his way to their table silently, while other students also glanced at him. Most of the talking stopped in all groups, as many expected Craig to walk in any second.

"H-hi, Kenny," He stood behind Kyle and Eric, who spun around to look at him, "Cartman, K-AGH-Kyle...c-can I sit here?"

"Yeah, sure," Kyle said, already moving away from Eric.

He thanked them and sat down, getting free from all questions when Kenny kicked Eric under the table and glared at him. Slowly, the normal background noise of the cafeteria resumed and people lost interest.

"You okay?" Kyle had the decency to ask.

"Y-yeah," he picked up his juice, "I only got detention," he spat it after one second, "OH FUCK! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!? I HAD SO MUCH WORK AT THE COFFEE SHOP, ARGH!"

All Kyle and Kenny could do was look at him sympatehically, the later chuckling a bit. Then, Craig walked in. He turned his head to them, and Kenny flinched at the ugly blueish purple color of the skin around his left eye. He looked annoyed, and flipped him off. Tweek seemed to notice and turned around to see Craig.

Someone probably opened a window, as the air got colder and the atmosphere quiet again. They looked at each other and broke eye contact at the same time, Craig walking off to sit at his usual table.

Again slowly, the conversations picked off, yet it was both colder and quieter.

"Whoa, you gave Craig a fucking black eye? Fucking sweet, Tweek," Eric said elbowing him, and Tweek smiled a little to himself.

"Heh, h-he deserved it, man..." Tweek looked at his food and then his smile died.

Kenny noticed it and he leaned forward, "Don't worry, it's just a lovers quarrel. You'll settled it down soon."

The spaz looked up and him and smiled again, "I-I hope so..."

* * *

 **Author's note: Welp, that's it, you guys. Da very first chapter of Superlame. I, uh, will update probably every one or two weeks. Sooo...yeah. By the way, italics are thoughts-or inner monologues-because I looove those things.**

 **So yeah. Any error you might find, please tell me! And it would be great if you told me if you liked it...**

 **Till next chapter! Kite out.**


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